The Getty Coloring Book

That's right! The Getty Coloring Book

The Getty Museum and the Getty Research Institute has released a free coloring book. Download the PDF at http://blogs.getty.edu/iris/files/2016/02/ColorOurCollections__TheGetty.pdf

Some more notes on scribal work

"I fear the Achaeans, even when they bear gifts."

This past Tuesday, at our Baronial Scribal Guild meeting, Baroness Julianna handed out some blank note cards and asked for help illuminating them for Their Majesties and Highnesses use as thank you notes. Honestly, I never even thought about thank you notes as a tool for practicing illumination. What a great idea! Small pieces of work that can be done in an hour. And, one can use the same image multiple times. 

This is a nice way to practice on simple images and play with colors. Above is the same design, only I swapped the red and blues around. I might do the same thing only with green and yellow. I highly recommend, now, that any new scribes that might read this blog, to get some nice note cards and start painting some simple designs. Simple initials and borders with plenty of blank space for the note. Kings, Queens, Princes, Princesses, Barons, Baroness, Seneschals and autocrats can always make use of thank you cards.

I think, after the next few weeks of events, that I will put together some blank images designed just for thank you notes. I do have a few sheets left to do... One of them will be a shark in a jaunty hat.

Just thought I would dip in and make a post.

I can't believe I had the gall to make that pun.

I received a very big scroll assignment the other day for {THAT PERSON YOU LIKE}. The scroll will be on pergamenta and I have no doubt that the illumination will be up to snuff (which means that it will be nothing to sneeze at), but I want to make sure that the calligraphy will be nice.

Well, acceptable; my calligraphy is, at best, terrible. I am concerned that I will smear the ink as I write. When I was a landed Baron, and had to sign Baronial scrolls, I hated pergamenta. The ink wouldn't soak in, it would smear and run. I hated them and treated them like they were brussel sprouts and I was two.

So. I took one of my sheets of pergamenta and cut it in half. I pounced the paper, drew some guide lines, and started writing. First was a cartridge pen that I just bought, Manuscript brand. It was a pain to get the ink to start flowing (I had to dip it into my ink bottle first), it leaked and wouldn't flow onto the pergamenta or the bristol scrap I used. It worked okay on an index card, but not great.

I tested my Cross fine tipped pen and it worked just fine. The ink flowed and stayed put. Then I loaded up my dip pen, with a new nib, and tested my Speedball ink. The ink didn't flow as well as the Cross pen, but it did stay put. I haven't tried erasing the guide lines, yet. I hope that the ink won't smear after 24 hours.

Calligraphy is not my thing: I really don't do calligraphy, I just try to print neatly. I don't want to mess this up. The illumination is very nice and I don't want the calligraphy to look like Charlie Brown did it.

La Femme Musketeer (The Lady Musketeer) (2004)

La Femme Musketeer uses crap. It's super effective.

Late last year, I found a copy of this movie in a bargain bin, for $3.00. Since it appeared to be a fencing movie, nay, a Musketeer movie, it had to be mine. And it stared Michael York as D'Artagnan; outstanding. And even if it was a cheezy movie, it would still go into the sword-play collection, next to The Musketeer and The Pirate Movie. How bad could it be?

Really, really bad. Please, if you see this DVD, leave it alone. I want my $3.00 back. The sword fighting in The Pirate Movie was superior.

This movie is a pale imitation of 1994's La fille de d'Artagnan, with bad music, swordplay, costuming, acting and camera work. The "plot" is as follows: D'Artagnan (played by Michael York, reprising his performance in The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers and The Return of the Musketeers) got married and had a daughter, Valentine, played by Susie Amy. It appears that Susie Amy was cast because she looks better staring directly into the camera with a blank expression then actually acting or handling a sword with any pretense of knowing what she is doing. Think of a swashbuckling version of Twilight, in terms of emoting. Despite being the daughter of D'Artagnan and trained to be a musketeer by D'Artagnan, she spends most of the film being disarmed, captured and staring blankly directly into the camera. After a long horse-back chase, at the very beginning of the film, with great shots of modern fencing between the camera and the horses, we witness a duel between a masked figure and D'Artagnan. The masked figure was draped in a cloak that almost hid the fact that the stunt person has a different body size and shape than Susie.

After a mediocre sword fight, where the swords spent more time swishing through the air than anywhere near the people wielding them, we "discover" that the masked figure was Valentine and that D'Artagnan hired a bunch of people to chase her down in order to, maybe, train her to be hunted down and cornered. After a brief look at D'Artagnan's home life, Valentine packs her bags, dresses in "men's" clothing and heads to Paris to become a Musketeer. And in a poorly acted out copy of what was actually written by Dumas, she runs across three musketeers and bumps into one of them. When their sword hilts become entangled (which was the most realistic sword work either of them does in the entire movie), a challenge is laid down: they shall duel tomorrow at dawn. None of the three recognize her as a woman because she is wearing a hat. That's her disguise. A hat big enough to hide her cleavage.

Valentine meets with the Captain of the Musketeers (an old friend of the family), and his 2nd in command (also an old friend); both recognize her not only as a woman but as D'Artagnan's daughter. She is then told that no woman can be a Musketeer, go home. After she insults them, makes up with the 2nd in command and is told to come back in a few days, she goes to visit Planchet, D'Artagnan's old servant, who now runs an inn.

Meanwhile, Cardinal Mazarin, played by the excellent Gérard Depardieu and the only person in the entire movie with a French accent, is plotting to embezzle Royal funds and to sabotage peace talks with Spain, for some reason that made no sense. He is helped by Lady Bolton, played by Nastassja Kinski (who while did not look 43, certainly did not look 19) who was doing something with the Duke of Buckingham and for some reason had to smuggle a letter inside of a painting, that had to be ripped open in an extreme close-up. This letter is the MacGuffin of the movie and for some reason that makes no sense, the Captain of the Cardinal's Guard, Villeroi (played by Marcus Jean Pirae) is ordered to kill all of the King's Musketeers. You know he will because he has a neck tattoo and a soul patch.

Meanwhile, Valentine wakes up late for the duel, and having only a few minutes to brush her hair, put on makeup and put on her push-up fencing doublet, she takes her leisurely time getting to where ever she was told to go. We discover, when she arrives, that she accepted a challenge from the "best sword fighter of all of Paris, two years in a row", but musketeer number 1 sees boobies and refuses to fight. Valentine draws her sword anyways but before any swordplay happens, we discover that the three musketeers she bumped into are none other than, act surprised, the three sons of Athos, Porthos and Aramis. And they all played together as children. hurrah!

After they all hug and make up, and I might add, after they put up their blades, the Cardinal's Guards show up to arrest them for dueling. Now, if you show up in an out of the way courtyard and see three men talking to, and hugging, a woman, would you automatically try to arrest them for illegal swordplay? No, you wouldn't but in this movie, that's what has to happen, 'cause that's what happened in the Cliff Notes of The Three Musketeers. Naturally, they all have to fight. Unfortunately, no-one in this fight can hold a sword convincingly, let alone fight with one. Fortunately the cameramen were hired away from an MTV music video, for the cameras never centered on any of the bad fighting long enough to get a good look at it. The cameras did focus in on the slow-motion back flips and cartwheels that the "fight" coordinator thought was more important. The musketeers plus one, defeat all of the Guard, mostly by throwing them into conveniently placed trees, walls and barrels. One of them uses his sword to pick up a purse from one of the downed Guards and they all ride off to Planchet's for breakfast. This was supposed to be a sword fight, not rhythmic gymnastics.

Meanwhile, the last 18 Musketeers (except for the three we were introduced to, who are under "demerits" or something that keeps them in Paris) ride off with the Captain to Spain to fight in the war. The 2nd in command in left in command with full authority, ordered to run the outfit and to keep the remaining Musketeers out of Planchet's, which is, apparently, the only place in all of Paris that has booze. Valentine is then told that the 2nd in command, who was has been given full command and authority of the King's Musketeers, has no authority and that she will have to wait until the Captain returns.

Meanwhile, a good friend of the King (who he cannot marry because he has to marry a Spanish princess) discovers the MacGuffin and takes it away from Lady Bolton and tries to get it to the King. Lady Bolton kills the girl, by throwing a knife into her back IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUSY STREET FULL OF DOZENS OF EXTRAS, right in front of Valentine, who is charged, by the dying lady, to take the letter to the King. We then learn that Valentine and Lady Bolton know each other's names, even though they just met for the first time. Unfortunately, the Cardinal's guard, who saw the murder, try to arrest Valentine, who stares blankly at the camera, then runs away. Not a single extra accuses Lady Bolton of the murder despite the fact that SHE IS STILL STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUSY STREET AND MURDERED A WOMAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. Worst. Assassin. Ever.

Meanwhile, a different plot is discovered by the Musketeers: the Spanish Princess is traveling in disguise to Paris to meet the King and that the Cardinal will try to kidnap her. The 2nd in command (who will die in slow-mo soon, so don't worry about his name). takes the three sons of the musketeers to scourer the countryside looking for her, for her protection. Because, as you all know; when two countries are in the middle of a war, the safest place for a member of the royal family is in a coach, traveling between the two countries, without suitable escort.

Meanwhile, in an expensive carriage somewhere in the French countryside, the Spanish Princess, her two maids and two guards talk about French kissing and keep calling her "Princess" in loud voices whenever anyone is around. Worst. Secret. Mission. Ever!

Meanwhile, Valentine, instead of bringing the letter to the King, heads out of town looking for the Captain of the Musketeers, who was assassinated  by the Cardinal's Guards, in super slow-mo, by percussion-cap pistols. Valentine finds the dead Musketeers and sets out looking for the 2nd in command, who, as far as she knows, is back in Paris, but starts looking in the middle of nowhere, as one does. When she find him and the sons of the Musketeers, they are all discovered by the Cardinal's guard, who attack them. And while Valentine stares blankly into the camera, a guard fires a percussion-cap pistol at her. Fortunately, the 2nd in command dives in front of the bullet (in slow-mo) and dies.

Meanwhile, D'Artagnan (remember D'Artagnan? It's a movie about D'Artagnan) is attacked by three hooded figures and is saved by the frying pan of Mrs. D'Artagnan. We then discover that the three hooded figures are none other than Athos, Porthos and Aramis and after some frying pan puns, and a recap as to who these people are, all four head towards Paris. They are now actors and have booked a show at Planchet's, the only tavern in all of Paris. And maybe they might stop by to visit their kids.

Meanwhile, the Young Musketeers, plus one, split up to better search the country side. Villeroi, the Captain of the Cardinal's guard, who was kicked out of the musketeers, has a plan of his own: kidnap the Princess and hold her hostage until he gets the deed to Planchet's Inn, whish as we all know, is the only place in all of Paris that serves booze. So, after killing some more Musketeers and taking their uniforms, they run the Princess to ground, kill her guards, and take her captive.

Meanwhile, Aramis's and Portos's kids are caught stealing food and are set to hang when they are rescued by the Four Musketeers, who were passing by on their way to Paris. At the same time, Valentine and Athos's kid (he has a name, but I don't remember it) discover Villeroi's meeting with Lady Bolton. Valentine falls through a roof and is captured (after staring blankly into the camera for three minutes and not using her sword). Lady Bolton hatches a new plan: torture Valentine to get the MacGuffin and blackmail the King for Royal titles.

So far, this has taken two hours. This movie is 171 minutes long and has more subplots than General Hospital and as many sword fights.

Valentine is taken to the dungeon where the Princess and her maids are being kept. But don't worry, Athos's son finds the other Musketeers and leads them to the villa where Villeroi is hiding. While the boys climb a rope into an upstairs window (I couldn't figure out why they didn't use one of the doors), the men take the sewers inside (ew). Meanwhile, Villeroi tells Valentine that unless she hands over the MacGuffin, the maids will die. While Valentine stares blankly into the camera, the young musketeers are spotted and an alarm is sounded: Villeroi says the standard, "I'll come back to torture you later" villain line and leaves. We now learn that the Spanish Princess can pick pockets (I'm not making any of this up) and now has the key to their cell. They unlock the door from the inside and escape. Valentine slams a door in the face of their guard and takes his sword and does not kill the guard. Nor does she drag him into the cell and lock the door. Just leaves him there to wake up and sound the alarm.

The young musketeers are surrounded and after running around like chickens with their heads cut off, they decide to fight back to back. No, they didn't. They actually form up in a loose line with enemy at their backs and too far away from each other to cover each other. Fortunately they have enough room for parkour and back flips. Soon, Villeroi walks out into the courtyard and they all trade verbal banter. Athos's son squares his shoulders and challenges Villeroi to a duel, but before they can cross blades, Porthos, played by John Rhys-Davies, bursts through a door, followed by D'Artagnan, Athos and Aramis. Villeroi turns his back on the kid, faces D'Artagnan and says, "I've waited a long time for this." D'Artagnan fires back that he had been waiting longer, 'cause Villeroi didn't show up at a duel, many years ago. Villeroi shows off Valentine's sword and waggles his soul patch: then D'Artagnan charges.

The fight between Michael York and Marcus Jean Pirae was almost worth the wait. Almost. Over two hours to see a couple of minutes of decent fencing. Pat E. Johnson was the fight coordinator for this movie; he was responsible for The Next Karate Kid, Mortal Combat, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Batman and Robin. Michael York was taught by William Hobbs, who worked on The Three Musketeers, The Four Musketeers, The Return of the Musketeers, The Duellists, The Man in the Iron Mask, Hamlet, Dangerous Liaisons, Damn the Defiant, Othello, Robin and Marian, Excalibur, Ladyhawke, Robin Hood, Cyrano de Bergerac, Queen & the Welshman, Macbeth, The Crimson Permanent Assurance and a dozen other movies. Michael York might have been 62 when he did this movie and not at the same level of training he was in earlier Musketeer movies, but he looked good fencing. He easily slipped back into the long and lose style he used in the David Lester Musketeer movies. This was the best fencing of the entire movie and the camera would not keep them centered for more than a few seconds at a time. Such a waste.

Even with seeing Michael York fence, and Marcus Jean Pirae trying to keep up with a superior fencer, the big fight was one disappointment after another. Valentine is disarmed in the kitchen and stares blankly into the camera. She is almost killed but is saved by her father. She is supposed to have been trained by the best swordsman in all of France and yet is always disarmed and has to be saved. Thank you Steve Boyum and Sandra Weintraub for creating an un-impressive, uninteresting, weak female "hero". Couldn't you have had Valentine save the day, just once? Maybe given her something to do other than give the camera a blank look. This movie wasn't made in the 50's, where women were expected to be window dressing. This was made in the 21st century and the frickin' title is The Lady Musketeer! Why wasn't she given something to do that would prove she was worthy of being a musketeer? She did nothing heroic in this movie. Nothing. She, the actress, is an embodiment of the worse aspect of the previous generation's respect of women in movies: gets into trouble and has to be rescued by a man. Over and over. Look at Michael York in Lester's The Three Musketeers. Look at everything D'Artagnan did to earn a place with the Musketeers. Even as campy as that movie was (and it's one of my favorite movies), D'Artagnan was a hero. He got into trouble and got himself out of it. Helped his friends. Showed himself as a duelist. He out witted and out fought all who opposed him. He did heroic deeds throughout the movie and was rewarded at the end with a spot within the King's Musketeers Corp.

Compare that with what this movie offers for the "heroine" Valentine: She begs for a place in the musketeers, twice, and doesn't fight for her place in the order; just accepts that she isn't allowed to join their boy band. She challenges someone to a duel that she doesn't follow through on. She "fights" some guards by using gymnastics to avoid fighting. She witnesses a murder and runs away instead of saying, "That bitch murdered this woman. Arrest her." She is captured several times and never puts up a fight. She is supposed to have been trained to use a sword but never seems to keep it in her hand long enough to make any use of it. And, worse of all, was never directed to show any emotion or acting ability. Based solely on this movie, I will have to say that Susie Amy was hired just for her looks and her character could have been played as just as well as a mop with a dress stapled to it. Oliver Reed's hat in The Three Musketeers had greater range than Susie Amy in this movie. What a waste of talent and a opportunity to portray a strong, empowered woman. 1994's La fille de d'Artagnan, released in America as Revenge of the Musketeers, has Sophie Marceau as Eloïse, d'Artagnan's daughter, and she kicks ass in that movie. No one taught her proper sword work either, but she played a much better, and much more interesting, character who drove the plot instead of just being on screen waiting to be rescued.

After the crummy fight scene, all of the plots are resolved. All of the bad guys are caught and punished and Valentine is made a musketeer. She waves her sword around and it is the longest she has held her sword in the entire movie. The hall was full of musketeers, which is odd because all of the musketeers were killed except for the three kids. Did the King hire a full compliment of musketeers before letting Valentine wear the uniform? And she doesn't even wear a uniform, she wears a big, cumbersome ball gown. What message does that send?

This entire movie was a disappointment. From the lousy camera work, to the modern buildings and objects (barb wire fences, TV antennas on the houses, an extra wearing denim overalls right in front of the camera), to the bad costuming (black plether uniforms on the Cardinal's guards), to the bad acting, to the convoluted plots that made no sense, to the lousy fight scenes. Worse of all, on top of all of the crap I mentioned, the absolute worse part of this movie was that the producers, writer and director didn't give two shits about this movie and how awesome the source material is. No attempt was made to make a good movie. There are some good actors in the film, but they get little screen time. The principle actors are young kids with little to no experience with movies and stunt work. They took the time to get Michael York for this movie and never thought about getting a fight coordinator as good as William Hobbs? It never occurred to anyone involved in this picture to try to make a movie with sword fighting half as good as the Lester Musketeer movies? With the cinema history of Dumas's greatest work this piece of crap was the best they could come up with? A legacy of one movie trying to out do the last in sword fighting and swashbuckling and this movie can only put a serious fencer on screen for three minutes? It's like making a Robin Hood movie and giving him a slingshot.

It wasn't just the sword fighting. No one taught the kids how to wear the swords on the baldrics; they are always knocking the scabbards into objects. Likewise, no one taught them how to wear the costumes, or how to mount and ride a horse. They looked awkward and uncomfortable every time they were on camera. In contrast, when Michael York's D'Artagnan sets off for Paris, he walks out of his house, guides his sword with one hand while tugging up his gauntlets, mounts his horse and rides off looking every inch as if he belonged there.

This movie could have been so much better. It wasn't the first movie about D'Artagnan's daughter, but it has to be the worse. Valentine could have been a better heroine (and Susie Amy could have acted better) and she could have asked the director why she wasn't allowed to do more. The movie was about her and she spent more time doing nothing than fighting. She could have been written as a bad ass who demanded a place within the musketeers. She could have been told the women are not allowed within the ranks and then challenged the Captain that she could fight and defeat the three best musketeers instead of name calling and crying like a brat. Susie could have been taught to fight in the style of Michael York, which would have clearly shown off where Valentine got her skills. Imagine it, she shows up to a duel with her "cousin", draws her blade and start fencing. Athos Jr. stops and says, "Where did you learn that? You fight like Uncle D'Artagnan." "D'Artagnan's my father, bitch!" They could have made her less of a hot head and more of a strategist, like her father. They could have picked one plot and made a good story out of it. They could have talked less and fenced more. They could have given Michael York a bigger roll. Valentine could have saved D'Artagnan's ass at the end of the movie instead of the other way around. Mickey Mouse made a better Musketeer movie than this piece of crap.

$3.00 wasted. I recommend Revenge of the Musketeers instead; it's up on Netflix.

Unexpected finds

Amazing things you can find on the Internet

"The woman warrier: being an account of a young woman who lived in Cow=cross, near Westsmithfield; who changing her apparel entered her self on board, in quality of a soldier, and sailed to Ireland, where she valiantly behaved her self, particularly at the siege of Cork, where she lost her toes and received a mortal wound in her body, of which she since dyed in her return to London."

The image is from a 1690, English broadside about a woman dressing up as a man and going off to war, none knowing the truth until she lay dying.

Yet of all the ship's crew
Not a seaman that knew
They then had a woman so near 'em

These are the lyrics to a song, sung to the tune of Let the Soldiers Rejoice.

What a fine time we live in. So many libraries and museums are digging old papers out of storage and scanning them for the entire world to share. A chance encounter while looking for something else. You can see the entire page at the Harvard Library.